Helping your middle schooler through the tough years
What can I do to help my child succeed?
New middle schoolers are taking on both more freedom and more responsibility than ever before. At the same time, they are undergoing tremendous emotional, social and physical changes. As a parent, you are put right in the middle of it all. Kidsource.com offers these suggestion for helping parents get their children through this tough period in their lives and continue to succeed in school.
Get informed
If you know what to expect, it won't take you by surprise. Excellent books, classes and educational materials for preteens and parents are available in stores and on line. Understanding the physical and psychological stages of puberty will make it much easier to deal with the changes occurring in your son or daughter.
Always keep the lines of communication open
When kids are kids, you can ask them how things are going anytime and anywhere and actually get an answer. But middle schoolers often don't want to share their lives with everyone in an earshot. Instead, set up private times when the two of you are alone and can talk about issues like school, friends and sex. Even if they refuse to talk, respect that. Try saying, "I'll be here when you feel like talking" instead of "Why don't you ever talk to me anymore."
Get all adults on the same page
If you and your spouse (or grandparents) are present at home, it's important that you share knowledge and understanding. A young person entering puberty needs consistency and clarity, not confusion and conflict. Again, knowing what to expect during puberty helps.
Respect your student's privacy
At puberty, your son or daughter changes from a child to an emerging adult. He or she begins to develop an individual identity by creating a private space and making choices. Respect the need for separateness. Stay out of their rooms when the door is closed; don't go snooping into diaries and personal possessions when they're away.
Stay in tune with their social set
Peers become more and more important during middle school, and social pressure can be a powerful force for impressionable adolescents. However, most kids don't have the social skills to do a background check on their friends. They don't have the sophistication to understand about repercussions, either. If your son or daughter is encountering a situation that involves drugs, alcohol or domestic violence, take responsibility and cut the connection off. While your teen may scream at first, in time, he or she may see the wisdom of what you've done.
Curfews are good
Studies have shown that high-risk behaviors in pre-teens and teens are more common in kids that have no or little limitations on where they go and how long they stay out. Don't be afraid to set the rules from he very beginning of the teen years. "But why, mom?" deserves an answer like "Because I care about you."