Aiming High in Middle School
Preadolescence is a time of terrific change for kids. Physically, socially and emotionally, the years between 10 and 13 rival the first three years of children's lives in terms of growth. Unfortunately, all this upheaval can leave kids less self-assured and less interested in academics. Studies show that often the grades of once stellar elementary students can take a dip during the first year of middle school.
Parents who remember their own preteen years might be inclined to cut kids some slack. Unfortunately, today's higher learning standards make a vacation from academics in the middle years a luxury students can't afford. Everything about school today - from the courses students must take to the tests they must pass - is more demanding than ever before in the history of New York State or the nation. Indeed, the only way students now can hope to make the mark in high school is to aim high in middle school.
Encouraging the "habit" of learning
Dr. Randy Cale, psychologist and child specialist, says the study habits that kids acquire in middle school can determine - with about 90 percent predictability - the type of future success they'll have in school.
"If you haven't helped instill these habits, then the tendency is to over-parent - e.g., by nagging, constantly reminding them of their responsibilities, even doing work for them - and things tend to fall apart as a result," says Cale.
Making homework magic happen
Since middle school is a time when children crave more independence, Cale suggests that families create policies that shift the responsibility for getting work done to kids themselves. Here's how to go about it:
• Look at what's happening now. Are your children getting down to studying most of the time with no more than a little gentle persuasion, or does the very mention of homework produce a major battle scene? Says Cale, if you are putting forth more effort than your children for their success, then things are not as they should be.
• Set up clear rules. Cale advocates a year-round "work first/play later" approach that can be applied not only to homework, but household chores, music lessons, etc. Ideally, this policy should be put in place as early as preschool, says Cale. However, it's never too late to institute it. Start by talking with your children about your expectations and what the consequences will be if they don't meet them. Cale suggests an icebreaker, such as "We have some good news and news you might not like as well. The good news - Dad and I are no longer going to nag you about getting your work done. However, it is now up to you to get your work done before you move on to anything else. We will not take you to soccer practice, there won't be any computer time, you can't talk on the phone, etc., until you have finished all of your homework."
• Follow through with consequences. Kids may understand that if they don't take the time to study, they may fail a test. However, few middle schoolers have the maturity to know how their actions now might hurt them once they begin applying for college in five years. Cale recommends an environment that allows for choice, but choice that comes with immediate consequences (i.e., you can do your homework or you can flop in front of the TV; but if you choose the latter, you will come home tomorrow to find the television cable box disconnected).
• What you model is key. If you put off projects, take extended coffee breaks or procrastinate in other ways, your kids will notice. Practice what you preach.
• Enjoy the free time you've created. Once this approach is up and running, it allows families to focus on more positive pursuits. If you don't have to spend the entire evening fighting over what needs to get done, you may just have time to enjoy a good book, take a walk or bike ride together.